Valentine's Day

I love – LOVE.

But I have never liked Valentine’s Day.

I have never liked the feeling of wanting more and getting less.

I’ve never liked hearing what other people got and feeling inferior.

So in my teens I stopped. I stopped celebrating a day – I don’t believe in.

Now I am free.

I can be happy when other people do celebrate. 

I appreciate the many ways that other people celebrate the day.  

I’m not above it or below it.

I just don’t have to be a part of it. 

It is a wonderful place to be.   

“A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

WINTER

Last year as winter set in, it reigned in my soul. This year, I find I am free. You would think I would be happy, and I am. But in a way I am not. Below is a small portion of how I felt last year.

I am in winter.

Winter’s in the air. Winter’s in my soul.

In past years I have heard the words of Silent Night or Little Town of Bethlehem and cannot stop the tears. This season I hear them and their warming rays are not able to penetrate my frozen and cold heart.

I am in Winter. Cold blasts surround me and keep my heart frozen. Music, the kindness of friends and the beauty of God’s earth are streams of heat, but they too aren’t able to melt the ice encircling my heart.

An arctic blast of cold, troubles, only add to the fortress that makes my heart impenetrable.

The only One who can melt this heart of mine is with me and has told me in time I will feel again. Just not today. We walk this road together. I am assured that He is with me. I do not feel Him, but I know He is there. He is my Comfort and my Strength.

This peculiar heart of mine does not act like a normal heart. I can see a leaf caught on a breeze fall slowly to the earth and bawl like a baby. I can hear of a child who lost his battle with pneumonia and not shed a tear. I am in unfamiliar territory.

My God has walked this road. He is guiding me. I must trust for I can no longer see the path. I have heard of people that never quite recover from a freeze. I wonder if I am one of them. Every month as the date of the day of loss comes, tears follow me everywhere I go. Sobs catch in my throat and my shoulders shake with the burden of, “it’s never going to be the same.”

But when that day ends, I am frozen once again. Like an addict, I don’t want to recover. I cringe for the day when I no longer weep. I do not want these days to end as well as I can’t allow them to remain. I am caught in Winter.  

  

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. John 4:24

Each New Year

Every January as I turn the calendar to the New Year I have a longing to work on my Colorado Book. A novel that is in disarray. When I start to read the beginning chapters I say to myself, "This isn't so bad." I enjoy it, I think I might actually be a great writer." (Notice I say great right off the bat, and not good.)  

Then it gets a little rocky as I head into the 3rd, 4th and 5th chapters. I wade through the next few chapters trying to salvage pieces and knowing there is still a small bit of potential. By the eighth chapter, I realize there are so many varying plots and cheesy characters that the whole thing needs a rewrite. But now I am in March, I suddenly stop. I need to start planting an indoor garden that will bloom and thrive, so that in May I am ready to plant the outside flower and vegetable gardens. 

I look at my notes and the a revised outline and get weary. Soon somehow those pages get lost in piles of other papers as summer hits. They collect dust. 

In August,  I think, "Hey, wasn't I working on that old book." I dig through piles until I find it. I say to myself, "This is the year. No excuses."

 But the cold blows the long summer days away and as the days shorten, I realize, I need to start working on Christmas.   

Before I know it, the year is gone, and the same longing to work on my Colorado Book permeates. 

I hate to say it, but I feel it right now, deep in my bones. That book has been a good friend to me. Maybe that is what I miss  . . . that friendship. There were many friends, daughters and sisters that helped me with that book. Giving their comments and advice. 

Maybe it isn't the characters in that book at all that draws me to work on it. Maybe it's the closeness of the people that used to corroborate with me on it. Maybe it is those friendships that have changed that I miss. Maybe I think of them with a longing of  the past. Opening the Colorado book is like opening back that period in time when family and friends were very close to me.  

For my days vanish like smoke; my bones burn like glowing embers. My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food. Psalm 101:3-4

Bowling at Christmas Time

The tradition of bowling in December started when I was a little girl. My dad had the week off between Christmas and New Year’s and we would spend one afternoon, bowling. My Mom and Dad were good bowlers and one or the other of them usually won.

Years have gone by. But somehow, my own family and I manage to bowl every year around Christmas time. When my kids were little and it was their birthday, the birthday child could pick one thing to do for family fun. Some picked going to the museum, others going out to dinner or seeing a movie. But my one, son whose birthday is in December always chose bowling.

So the tradition has continued. This last week of December we found ourselves at the bowling alley to mark his birthday.

 I have no form or grace when bowling but somehow I always manage to win at least one game. This year it was tight, but I was able to pull off a win. Each year it gets more difficult as everyone gets better and better.

But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner’s fire or a launderer’s soap.  Malachi  3:2

Christmas 2018

 Christmas is here with all the hustle and bustle of getting gifts, baking, holiday events and family. I usually get down-hearted at this time of year.  

The true meaning of the Season gets lost in all the activities. 

But this year, I feel different. This year Emmanuel (God with Us) is with me in all the preparations. It's not a gearing up for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, it's living in the moment and enjoying each one. Not enjoying those that are better and despising those that are not, but enjoying each minute. 

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angels said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.    Luke 2:8-11

Thanksgiving

My husband and I traveled to Alaska to see our daughter over Thanksgiving. It was so awesome to see so many sights that were rugged and wild. I saw a bald eagle fly majestically in the valley next to the rocky cliffs. Mountain goats on crags of a sheer cliff. The wonder of it all was almost too much to take in at times.  

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made. Without Him nothing was made that has been made.  John 1:1-3

My

Halloween and Unicef

What a strange custom Halloween is. I remember as a child, I had no idea that you could get Candy. The first Halloween I remember, my sisters and brothers Trick-or-Treated for Unicef. Often our neighbors would say, "What?" We would repeat, all 8 of us, "Trick or Treat for Unicef." Then we would hold out our carefully constructed bowls of paper that were to remind us that children in faraway lands only received one bowl of rice per day. Two years in a row we did that. I still had no idea that other kids were getting candy.

Then it happened. We dressed up as usual, but this time after a dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches, we said, "Trick or Treat," and people gave us a piece of candy at every door. What a thrill.  And for that reason alone, I make sure I am home every Halloween to give little children candy. It’s a kid’s day. There are other messages about the day. But I choose it to be only a kid’s holiday for dress-up, candy and fun.

Below was taken from Unicef’s website - https://www.unicefusa.org/trick-or-treat/learn-more

Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF began 68 years ago as a way to help kids still affected by World War II. Since then, millions of children across the United States have gone door to door on Halloween with UNICEF collection boxes, calling out, "Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF!" The annual tradition of Kids Helping Kids® — involving donations big and small — has helped to raise nearly $177 million since 1950.




Be alert and of sober mind . Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ , after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:8-11